Myriad

Sex is so much effort.

Seriously.

I don't have the stamina for it at all.

All the heavy breathing and sweat. Honestly, I think most of the time I'd rather just squeeze her tits a little, play with her pussy (or both), get blown, blow a load all over her face (or tits), and then leave.

But even that becomes a chore when they want you to stay.

You know how grandparents are.

"Stay." "Have some tea." "Would you like a biscuit?"

Then all she wants to do is talk.

"How's work?" "How's your mother?"
"Who else are you fucking?"




"Just you grandma. Just you."

I don't have a huge dick. I think it's about average.

The thing with my dick is, it curves (or bends).

Downwards.

Growing up I remember hearing jokes about how taking a piss with a hard-on was virtually impossible. One of the worst things in the world. But it was never a problem for me. When I started watching porn I began to think I was a freak who would never get laid and women would run away screaming from my freakishly bent dick.

Well I still think that, and they do, but it doesn't bother me as much because I learnt that, yes, there are bent dicks. They bend up and left and right and yes there is a small percentage of men who have dicks that bend down.

Just like there's a small percentage of men who like to stick their dicks into livestock.

You know, I've been pretty horny in my day. I've gotten pretty aroused and desperate to empty out a load, but I have never been so horny that I would be willing to rape a sheep.

I have been so horny that I have gotten down on the floor of my shower cabin and tried to suck my own dick. Naturally I scrubbed it clean first, 'cause otherwise it would've been gross. I almost did it too. I cam close enough that I could of licked it, but that would've just been weird.

This I have done, but I have never been so horny that I've looked at a dog's arsehole and said "Yep, I'll have a go."

I have been so horny that I have masturbated in the stalls of a McDonalds toilet. But never once have I daydreamed of penetrating someone from another species.

There is, however, a small percentage of men (and women) who don't mind a bit of cross species loving. But really, how horny do you have to be to look at a sheep's arse and say "Baby, tonight I'm gonna make you mine."

Is there foreplay involved? Rimjob maybe? Or is it straight to the anal rape? Or do you have to first befriend the sheep and then shame it into not telling anyone?

You know, kinda like the priests do with the 12 year old boys.

Well let's be fair. It's not all priests. Seems to be only the Catholic ones. That's probably because they don't let them get married. The married priests, they keep the rape in the family. It's so sad that the Catholic priests have to go out and rape strangers.

But no, not all priests are rapists. I don't want you to walk away thinking that all priests are rapists. Being with, and knowing one's priest can be a wonderful and life-affirming occasion that you will always cherish and remember. I remember when I first met my priest. But then who doesn't remember losing their virginity?

And I made sure he'll always remember losing his.