Myriad

Allow me to preface this rant by saying that I am a Star Wars fan. Have been since I first saw the original on TV as a kid. That would've been some time in the 1980's. I've been a fan ever since.

Like most Star Wars fans when I heard that new movies were being made my heart leapt and I thought finally I get to see a Star Wars movie in an actual theatre.

Then the disappointment started.

First of all the digital remastering of the originals. Good idea, in theory. But George Lucas had to 'tweak' the movies didn't he? I mean who the fuck wanted to see Greedo shoot first. How the fuck do you miss a guy sitting across from you at a table when your gun is pointed directly at his chest? The whole point of that fucking scene George was to show that Han Solo is a bad-ass mother-fucker who you don't fuck with. A smuggler and a criminal who ultimately finds redemption.

There's more but I'm not gonna go into the details. Just know that he changed the originals and not always for the better.

So then Phantom Menace comes out. When the trailer was released I watched with awe as I read the words, "Every Saga Has A Beginning". I almost came in my fucking pants.

Imagine then my sorrow when I bought my ticket and sat down to watch what can only be described as a piece of shit. The kid was annoying, Jar Jar was just terrible and George Lucas can't direct. Period. He is more interested in the technology and the computer graphics than he is in real movie making and acting (emotion George, emotion).

I won't go into the details of the second and third movies. Too much pain. I can't do it. There are good scenes in all three movies. The duel with Darth Maul, the pod race, Yoda fighting for the first time, the clone war battle scene, and in the third movie seeing Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi battle it out was great. But a few scenes do not a good movie make.

Now you may be asking yourself, what the fuck is he going on about? What has provoked this rant? Well you see I just purchased Episode III on DVD. As a result I feel dirty, used and even a little betrayed. I've now bought all six movies on DVD and I have grown to hate George Lucas. I feel like a battered wife who keeps going back for more. I knew the first movie sucked but I bought it anyway, same with the second and now the third too. It's true that the third one was better than the first two but that's kinda like saying malaria is better than ebola.


After buying the Lord of the Rings DVDs and seeing how they were done Star Wars is like amateur hour. The movies are far worse, the acting is sub par and the DVD features are ridiculously simple for a saga of this magnitude (although I suspect that George is saving all the good stuff for a special release box set some time in the future because I think he's having trouble making ends meet and needs a few extra bucks).

I hate, hate, HATE George Lucas. He is a cunt and deserves to die a bloody death in front of his children.

You are not a director George and you never have been. You are not a screenwriter. You are a tech-nerd and a producer and a creator. You didn't need to do everything you dumb cunt. Some of your friends are the best directors in the world dumbass, any one of them would have sold their children to direct a Star Wars movie. Directors who know how to work with actors and not make them appear stiff and wooden. And perhaps some writers who can write dialogue that sounds authentic.

It's true I made the choice but I still feel used. I feel dirty. I feel angry.

George Lucas is a cunt and I'm a whore for Star Wars.

Enough said.