Myriad

I regret being brainwashed by my parents and the church during my formative years. I regret not being more sexually active and aggressive. I regret being so timid when it comes to women. I regret not pursuing my musical and acting dreams. I regret doing what I was told to do. I regret my apathy towards causes that should force me to action. I regret being the lazy by-product of a materialistic consumer driven 20th century. I regret the 21st century has brought war and not peace. I regret that it took me so long to be deflowered. I regret to see my health and fitness declining. I regret not making out with Elissa in the 7th grade. I regret not having sex with Michelle after the Uni-ball. I regret that my cousins no longer have a father. I regret that four of my greatest friends lack the same. I regret the difficulties my niece has faced. I regret not following through with the guitar in the way I should. I regret never asking Kristina to go out with me. I regret being blind to the women who found me attractive. I regret all my racist, sexist, homophobic and bigoted remarks, thoughts and actions. I regret not being more genuinely accepting. I regret the words that caused pain. I regret putting on so much weight after high school. I regret not looking for more life affirming employment. I regret my shyness in all its manifestations and senses. I regret not taking that girl back to my hotel room. I regret pissing in the sink in primary school. I regret all the breakups. I regret not getting to know the one-nighters I've been with. I regret ignoring Diane the way I did. I regret the enemies I've made. I regret permitting evil to be done in my presence. I regret not remaining friends with the ones I've lost touch with. I regret that more people in my life and in the world don't pursue higher ideals. I regret that I never knew my father's parents. I regret that money is the world's prime motivator. I regret that even though I recognise money's evil influence I still derive joy in possessing it. I regret that even though my thoughts may occasionally be enlightened my actions are generally lurid and common. I regret that I have no one to share my intimate thoughts with. I regret my inabilities to share my deeper thoughts and emotions. I regret getting that speeding ticket. I regret that I continue to have lustful thoughts about the sisters and girlfriends of my friends. I regret that I cannot tame or control my sexual thoughts. I regret being a slave to my hormones. I regret being a physical animal. I regret the contradictions I discover in myself. I regret my hypocrisy. I regret that it took me so long start again. I regret not pursuing the dream. I regret not making plans. I regret that I can't talk about such things with my parents. I regret that sex is perceived as something unclean. I regret that only politicians go into politics. I regret that every day there is always some new way to die or be killed. I regret that George Lucas chose to direct Episodes I, II, and III. I regret that sex so dominates my thoughts. I regret jerking off so much. I regret that pleasure is often considered a crime. I regret that people are awarded money for being stupid. I regret the lies that I've told. I regret telling the truth. I regret being a 27 year old boy. I regret the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. I regret that women are still 2nd class citizens. I regret that people being killed just makes others want to kill. I regret that I want love. I regret my regrets. I don't regret that I believe I've come to the end of my regrets.

Well that was certainly enlightening, not to mention entertaining. So many regrets. Still I seem happy with the way I've turned out. I think. It's just not all smiles and sunshine. I am glad I did that. It was slightly cathartic. Hell if you can't be honest with yourself than really what's the point. I may as well write fiction.

# posted by Sariel Thrawn @ 7:39 pm